What Many Say

My two youngest teens came home from their schools asking the exact same question. “Why do people say such mean things to me?” It hurts my Mama bear heart to hear the cruelty spoken to two of my dearest people. The phrase “kids can be cruel” is true, but then again, so can adults. Some people never mature out of meanness.

What was most challenging for my kids is that the mean words came from more than one source. It seems they were verbally bruised by multiple people last week for absolutely no reason. If you know my kids, you know they are awesome, kind, helpful, never say a mean word about anyone, kind of kids….and yes I’m biased.😉

I wanted to console them and tell them it will get better. The mean kids are just insecure and probably have challenges at home. But I stopped myself. While that may be true, the reality is, cruel people are a part of life. Learning to navigate harsh, critical, mean spirited people, is part of the refining process of becoming more like Jesus.

David cries out to God in Psalm 3 saying, “Lord, how many are my foes! How many rise up against me! Many are saying of me, “God will not deliver him.” But you, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high.”

David was being attacked by as many as 10,000 soldiers, one of whom was his very own son. They weren’t just saying mean things. They wanted him dead! Yikes, talk about a bad day.

The phrase, “Many are saying”, caught my attention. When many say something about someone, it doesn’t make it true….whether it’s good or bad. Popular opinion means nothing. Hear me on this…NOTHING. Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart. Only God sees what is on the inside.  The good, the bad and the ugly.

Don’t worry about what many say. Fear God, not people. If God is pleased with us, we’ve got nothing to worry about. The opposite is true as well. If many think we are amazing, but God sees nothing but a heart of stone, calloused by selfish living, greed, envy, lust, addiction, pride, etc….be afraid. Very afraid.

God was David’s shield. His protector. He’s your shield and protector too. He bestows glory on you and lifts your defeated head high. You are His. Come to Him if you are weary of the many. They are just people. He is God and He loves you. Don’t focus on what many say.  Only One matters. Jesus.

Prayer: Lord God thank you for being our protector, comforter and restorer. You never leave us, even when we are at our worst. Thank you for your faithfulness. When “many” say we aren’t worthy, you say we are priceless. We are fearfully and wonderfully made in Your image. Help us be confident in You alone, demonstrating humility because we realize apart from You, we can do nothing. Be our shield. Bestow Your glory upon us and lift our weary heads. We need You. We love You. We are Yours. In Jesus name, Amen

If She Knew

“Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.” ~John‬ ‭4:10‬ ‭

She didn’t know. She couldn’t see. Blinded by her choices and shame. She sat before a man, God and King. Crossing the cultural divide, He approached the Samaritan with love in His eyes. Not the “love” she had known, but a kind that would quench her longing, searching, the ache within. He offered life, redemption and grace. He had to go to her, though out of His way.  Compelled by mercy, He came to save. He saw within her deep caverns of pain. Hiding behind walls, rejected, ashamed. Living water flooded her tired, weary soul. Extinguishing the lies, gossip, ridicule she had known. It was all true. She knew. Yet He saw more and knew better. Beauty among the ashes. A glorious finish. She was not who they saw nor what they said. She was His! Daughter of the King, an heir, royalty. Her deeds erased, He saw straight to her heart and now held the key. Her pain would serve His purposes, plans and way. Made new, she hurried to tell of her new found Friend….once she knew.

If you knew. If only you knew. If you could discern His still, quiet voice. If you knew He has a plan and purpose in the pain, even when the unexpected,  sudden loss, and ache of loneliness remain. If you knew He would never, no, NEVER, leave you, no matter how far you stray, or how blemished your way. If you knew the depth, width, height and length of His love. How much He suffered, how brutally, how savage His death. Each lash to His broken, bruised, bleeding body taken in your place. He loved you that much, even then. If you knew the power at His fingertips, that He would rise from death after three days, defeating its sting once and for all….how glorious…if you knew. If you knew the comfort of the Holy Spirit given to open hearts. The companion that guides, protects, instructs, prompts, and never departs. If you knew this life is not the end for He is preparing a place for you beyond your comprehension. If you knew, would you hide or withhold it out of embarrassment, business or indifference? Could you? If you knew the difference He makes between life and death, all eternity in His hands or one apart from Him spent. If only you knew. Do you know? If you know, share Him. He isn’t just for you. The work He does in you is so others might know too. Your life is telling a story. What are the pages saying? Do they reflect His truth, His love, His glory?

Let the pages of my life be filled with love, pointing to my Friend above, because I know.  I know His whispers. I’ve felt His grace, poured out upon my tear stained face. When rejected, alone, accused. He never left, no, He refused. He battled for my heart and mind, not just for me, but for you. I know His goodness, mercy and love. I’ve tasted and seen what freedom does. It’s offered to all that know and accept the love of a Father and the One He sent. I am free. Free indeed. No going back, to Him proceed. A life of praise to Him above, Him within, the One I love. I’m not the same, my heart’s been claimed, for God’s glory and in His name. Forevermore, because I know.

Yell Louder

Rebuked by people. Healed by God. That’s the story of the two blind men in Matthew 20, that called after Jesus as He passed by.

“Two blind men were sitting by the roadside, and when they heard that Jesus was going by, they shouted, “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on us!”~Matthew‬ ‭20:30‬ ‭

They knew their need, to have their sight restored, yet they had greater vision than some of the “religious people” around them. Though they lacked physical sight, within them arose enough faith to seek after the sight giver, Jesus. Even before their eyes could see, their ears heard and their hearts believed that this man, teacher, God, miracle maker….He could heal. So they pleaded, to the embarrassment and disapproval of the crowd, and their sight was restored.

Thankfully, they didn’t listen to the negative chatter circling them or they might have missed out on the miracle moment. Negative voices ring loudly in our ears, blocking the still, quiet voice of Jesus. When that happens, we get to choose. Keep moving forward by faith, even while being ridiculed, or cave to criticism, missing out on the miracle. Choose faith!

There is a miracle waiting on the other side of the negative, fault finding, accusing, superiority driven, prideful chatter. Don’t quit on Jesus when people reveal their own brokenness. Those that rebuked the blind men were just exposing their spiritual blindness.

What did the blind men do when the crowd tried to hush their passioned pleas to Jesus? “They shouted all the louder….”~Matthew 20:31. Nothing and no one could keep them from Jesus and in return, “Jesus had compassion on them and touched their eyes. Immediately they received their sight and followed him.”~ Matthew‬ ‭20:34‬ ‭

Yell louder, friends. Louder than the criticism. Louder than the gossip. Louder than the disapproval, condemnation, expectation, rejection, and misrepresentation of others. Cry out to Jesus loudly, boldly, with abandon, and receive His mercy.

People are just people. We are ALL broken, in need of saving.  When we forget this reality, we get hurt, disillusioned and stunted in our pursuit of Jesus.

There is only one Savior and we must pursue Him at all cost. Make Him the focal point so that you will have eyes to see and ears to hear all that He has planned for you. Do as the blind men did when their sight was restored. Receive healing and follow Him. He has inexhaustible mercy and compassion for each of us. He doesn’t expect perfection.  He desires you in all of your imperfection.  Look to Him to fill those hurt, wounded, broken places. He restores, accepts, elevates, and reconciles. We can do ALL things through Him. ☝️🙌🙏

Prayer: Lord we declare loudly, “we need You!”  Restore the broken that is in each of us.  Thank you Jesus for the strength and healing that You generously lavish upon us.  We receive it.   Help us pursue You and seek You with all of our hearts. Protect us from the negative words of others or even our own thoughts, that might distract us, keeping us from the healing and restoration that is in You alone. Lord, may Your voice be louder than any other voice in our lives and may our lives declare how good You are. In the compassionate and powerful name of Jesus, Amen

Posture Pain Relief

What brings you comfort? My “go to” is usually bread or frozen yogurt. When my day has been overwhelming and their are no easy answers, you will often find me at the Yogurt Mill drive-thru. A good frosty dose of sugar or a buttery baguette gives temporary relief from my angst, and yet it doesn’t bring lasting peace or perspective. There isn’t a yogurt cup big enough to drown my sorrows in. There is only one source for what my heart truly craves and that is Jesus.

People throughout the ages have turned to all kinds of idols seeking comfort, some more harmful than others. Zechariah 10:2 says, “The idols speak deceit, diviners see visions that lie; they tell dreams that are false, they give comfort in vain.” Idols give us a sense of comfort, but it is empty comfort that won’t last. They lie to us about what we really need, which is to maintain a posture of surrender to Jesus. The pain that draws us to our own personal idols is the very pain God wants to use to draw us to Himself.

My daughter, Meghan, has been having pain in her neck. I took her to the doctor yesterday seeking advice as we’ve discovered the bone at the top of her vertebrae is actually pertruding unnaturally. The doctors advice was for Meghan to work on her posture. She is often hunched over her computer for school work or playing the piano and that posture is causing her pain. Its actually uncomfortable for her to sit straight and takes focused effort for her to do so. Meghan will have to be intentional in sitting up straight, pushing her shoulders back and keeping her chin lifted to help alleviate her discomfort. We need to do the same thing spiritually; change our posture to one of kneeling in prayer or arms raised in surrender to God’s will, not our own. It doesn’t feel natural because it isn’t. We are prone to wanting and doing things our own way, but it just causes us more pain in the end. The pain we encounter causes alarm sensors in our spirit to seek out comfort, leading us to idols, or Jesus. Rather than seeking out temporary comfort in the arms of another, at the end of a bottle, in the pursuit of more money, with the purchase of more stuff, or binging on junk food….ask God to meet the hunger in your soul.

How is your posture toward God right now? Are you seeking His will, or yours? Ask Him to give you His perspective about the emotional pain or struggle you are having. So often we think we know the answer, which usually entails others having to change, when in reality, God sees it much differently. His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts. We are selfish by nature and our idols are often ourselves. Our selfishness can lead to bad spiritual posture, weighing us down and luring us to look within, rather than looking to Jesus. Seek Jesus and you will find Him…and He will give you what you truly need. Maintain a posture of prayer and praise. It’s the best remedy for your pain, worry, anxiety, heartache, hopes, dreams, longings….Are you listening? You can do all things through Him!🙏💪

Jer.29:13~You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
Isaiah 55:8~For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD.
Psalm 119:76~May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant.
2 Cor. 1:4,6~God comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things.”

Grow With The No

I’ve never liked the word ‘no’. It seems to carry a measure of negativity and disapproval. ‘Yes’ feels approving, positive, uplifting and welcoming. I’ve joked about being the “Yes Woman” at church, since it easily falls from my lips when asked questions. Being that I’m a Pastor’s wife and a worship leader, people often come to me with questions. What is particularly comical about this is I usually don’t know the answer to what is being asked, but I enjoy saying yes, and so I do.😉

But, I’ve learned and am still learning, that ‘No’ can be a healthier, faith based, peace-filled answer. ‘No’ protects our time, guards our hearts and can be God honoring. Sometimes a no can be useful for setting boundaries with family and friends. This can be particularly helpful around the holidays, when we need to say no to over committing or risk being burnt out for what is most important, saying yes to Jesus call on our lives.

Jesus said no, a lot. No, it wasn’t His time yet. His family and closest friends anxiously anticipated the moment of truth; when His glory would be revealed. No, He wouldn’t use violence to overthrow the Roman Empire. His kingdom would be lead by love. No, He couldn’t stay with His disciples any longer, for He had a greater call on His life. He knew His purpose and nothing would stop it from coming to fruition. Jesus was not about bringing us happiness, but holiness.

This morning I was reading in Luke 12 and Jesus warns about division we will face while on this earth. Yuck, I don’t like division. I much prefer unity, where everyone gets along, works together, and plays nice. Why can’t we all just get along, like an episode of Friends; where every issue is resolved in a 30 minute TV show? Jesus answers this simply, “Do you think I came to bring peace on earth? NO, I tell you, but division”. What? Another no? I thought Jesus is the Prince of Peace? Well yes, He is, but the peace He offers is internal, not always external.

Jesus comes into our hearts, when invited, and offers peace when there is chaos swirling around us in our lives. We don’t get to live in a perpetual Disneyland, where we live happily ever after all the time, but we can tap into the Prince of Peace, when everything and everyone around us seems out of whack. He is our peace that surpasses understanding, when the trials we face are anything but peace-filled. But experiencing His peace often starts with a NO.

No, we won’t always have peace in our relationships with family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, if we are saying YES to Jesus. The very nature of following Him will lead us through troubled waters. It requires laying down our lives for His purpose and plans…that is going to rub people in your life like sand paper. Often, friends and family won’t even know why our faith annoys them, but it will. It’s going to cause friction and some pain; maybe a lot of pain. Don’t lose heart my friends, that sand paper is going to refine you into a finely crafted masterpiece for Jesus. How lovely and exquisite you will be to your Heavenly Father as He watches you persevere through the trials you face. He won’t just be a casual observer; He will be with you, carrying you when necessary.

Has God told you ‘no’ recently? You want peace in a relationship and He’s saying no. He’s doing a work in you and/or in them and you just can’t see it yet. Hold onto Jesus and trust Him to get you through the unknown. No, you can’t have that promotion or job, because God’s got grander plans for you. No, you won’t have the physical healing you desire, but He will give you spiritual strength and passion that will inspire many people to follow Jesus; making you a redwood tree among a field of ferns. Ferns are pretty, but they can’t withstand drought and they will never grow tall; there is no distinguishing between them. You’re going to stand out. Think of the remarkable view you will have, stretching to new heights, as you experience growth like that. The pain of the no will be worth it with immeasurable growth as you press into Jesus.

No, don’t settle for less than His best, not in relationships, not in your work, not in your heart, not in your life! Don’t lose heart with the ‘No’s’. Thank Him for what He is doing through the No….He’s got great plans! God is preparing you for what is right around the corner from that no. Grow with the no. You can do all things through Him!

Luke 12:51~”Do you think I came to bring peace on earth? NO, I tell you, but division”.
John 16:33~33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
Jer.29:11~For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Avoid The Race

On your mark, get set….the tension is mounting, do you feel it? The Christmas decor is beckoning to be dusted off from attics and storage. Carols are playing, filling our senses with joy, memories, and anxiety for all that needs to be purchased, baked, wrapped, and given. Our days seem shorter and our lists seem longer. What ever happened to Thanksgiving? That day of being grateful for all we have  so generously been blessed with…it’s become a day for the race to begin…..ready….GO!

Martha understood the frenzy. People were coming to her house for dinner, not just “people”, but Jesus! How thrilling, overwhelming and exhausting. I can only imagine what she must have been feeling as she “opened her home to Him.” What an honor. What a blessing. What a frenzied ball of nerves she must have been, like a turkey avoiding the dinner plate. Everything must be in place for such an honored guest. But then, that annoying sister….

Mary, Martha’s sister, “sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what He said.” She just sat there! How rude. Martha is racing around preparing for their distinguished guest and her sister is just sitting, effortlessly at Jesus feet. How lazy, how wrong, how blind Mary was to poor Martha’s full blown anxiety attack. So, like many sisters would do, Martha tattles. She runs to Jesus, like a child, whining of how unfair life seems and demands a change. Commanding Jesus.   It’s like when our kids run to us demanding we reprimand their sibling for whatever alarming offense just occurred. Likely, there is blame to share.

Jesus response touches my own anxious heart. “Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better…”. Can you hear the gentleness in His voice, the tenderness? He doesn’t scold her or seem indifferent to her temper tantrum. He sees her anxiety and reminds her of what she really needs. She only needs ONE thing…and that is Him.

Oh to sit at the feet of Jesus, enjoying the company of our Father who adores and delights in us. To stop running about with our long lists, checking them twice, trying to be nice…but at the end of the day feeling worn out and more like Scrooge. What if we just sit and linger with Jesus? He is our source of joy, peace and love. Those are the gifts that our family and friends REALLY need, and we have it to offer, IF we receive it ourselves.

Thanksgiving is this Thursday. Don’t race past it my friends. When your internal alarms start sounding, feeling the tension of all that needs to be done, remember Mary. Choose what is better. Wake up in the morning and sit at Jesus feet. Drink in the goodness of time spent with Him so you can pour it out on your family and friends. Don’t put all your hopes into the perfect dinner, or expect perfect behavior from your family, setting yourself up to be perfectly disappointed. Put your hope in the perfect One, who brings perfect peace. You can do all things through Him!

May His peace flood your homes this Thanksgiving. Enjoy your family, friends, food and fellowship. What a blessed life we have been given!

Luke 10:38-42~38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him.39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said.40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one.[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

Distortion Glasses

“I see J-Lo.” I can only imagine how challenging it must have been for her to keep a straight face when I said that. The corners of her mouth were doing tug-of-war with the knowledge that this was not a moment for laughter. Honestly, as I think back to that moment, I laugh at myself. It’s like I was wearing distortion glasses; seeing my image in front of a fun house carnival mirror. Sin scrambles the brain.

Yesterday I was at the gym in my Muvz class and the instructor made a random comment,”this is what J-Lo does every morning.” (We were doing a routine full of squats and lunges, to a J-Lo song.) It’s crazy how our memories can get jarred by a simple statement. A memory flickered across my mind in the middle of class. Suddenly I was back in my counselors office 15 years ago, explaining to her that I didn’t want to have a….uhhh, ummm, errrr, J-Lo behind. 😳 I’m embarrassed to admit this conversation, but it’s a reflection of how warped my thinking was at that time.

My brain had been distorted by my own sin. I no longer viewed my own body image, or anyone else’s, in the same way God does. It became my goal to be the perfect weight and shape….a non-existent possibility. The counselor helping me was a wonderful, Jesus follower who had faced her own body image distortion years prior, so she knew all the tricks and blind spots. She had me draw my perceived body shape on butcher paper that was taped to a wall. When I was done she asked me what I thought was wrong with the outline I had drawn…that’s where the J-Lo comment happened. 😬 The only thing I saw on my drawing was a very large, round….well you know. 😉 Apparently, not even J-Lo’s body was perfect enough in my mind. Crazy, I know.

Our minds can get warped and out of alignment with God’s word and we don’t even know it. At the time I believed that I was loving Jesus and worshiping Him from the platform at church almost every Sunday, and yet I was literally dying in my own stinking thinking.

Once I realized I had a problem, I got down to business and did the hard work of cleaning out the garbage I had believed, making room for God’s word to be firmly planted in my mind and heart. It took years to fully embrace my new way of thinking. There are no quick fixes in our healing and growth.  It starts by taking one step in the right direction, and then another step, and then another….until one day you realize that sin no longer has any grip on your life….then you can run freely without any baggage. Not to say that I never tripped and fell along the way. Having partners in this race is vital to finishing well. If I fall, someone is there to help me up and encourage me along the way; reminding me of what is true.

Do you have stinking thinking? Ideas and beliefs that aren’t congruent with God’s word? Maybe you are stuck in a rut and you don’t know it; looking through your own fun house mirrors, unaware of how distorted your vision has become. Pray, ask Him to reveal if there is any offensive way in you. Be sure to check your thoughts with God’s word. These “offensive ways” will lead you down a dark path, unintentionally hurting you and those in your life. To be honest, I thought it felt good to be hungry. It didn’t bother me one bit, though it was hurting my marriage and my body. We can be fooled by our own selfish desires and foolish thinking. The longer you walk in the dark, the harder it gets to distinguish God’s perfect plan and will for your life. You can know Jesus, but not be able to walk in His footsteps…it’s hard to see footsteps when the lights are out.
Cry out to Him, He will set you free, and set you back on track. You don’t have to figure it all out in a day, just take the first step. The first step is always the hardest. You can do it! I’m rooting for you and so is Jesus! You can do ALL things through Him!

Colossians 2:6-7~Therefore as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, having been firmly rooted and now being built up in Him and established in your faith, just as you were instructed, and overflowing with gratitude.

Psalm 139:24~See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

1John 1:7~But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.

Pliable Arms

Matt.6:10~…Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.

His will vs. my will. It’s an ever present struggle. There’s a song that comes on the radio called “Thy Will Be Done.” Yesterday I was imagining myself swaying with Jesus to that song, dancing and twirling to His lead. He moves forward, I move back. He moves back, I move forward. It was a beautiful image, and all at once, the picture changed. I was sitting on a chair across from Jesus arm wrestling, getting frustrated that there was no possible way of me winning. The image is ridiculous, wanting it my way, and fighting against the pull of God’s plan. It’s like an infant wresting a 300 pound linebacker, only I’m infinitely smaller and He’s infinitely bigger. While arm wrestling matches with God are laughable, I still find myself prone to resisting. Of course, God doesn’t force us to do anything, but He places circumstances into our lives to press back against our will; always for our benefit and His glory.

My oldest daughter could beat me at arm wrestling when she was 5 years old. I’m not kidding. 😬💪 For some reason my arms have never had much strength, even though I’m quite athletic. I suppose I could get stronger in that area, but I tend to focus more on my strengths than weaknesses. Consequently, my arm wrestling matches will more than likely end in defeat, which is fine by me, and brings much joy to my kids.😉

In the same way, I want God to win in my stubborn bouts of wrestling Him over plans for my life. I want to have pliable arms that relax and bend to His will, not mine. I’ve tried things my way, and I’d rather lose the wrestling match than go down my own broken path.

My will is all about ME. It’s often self centered, critical, mis-directed, insecure, and….small. I’ve never been a big dreamer, thinking about grand plans for my life. Never in a million years did I think I would be a pastors wife reaching people for Jesus, helping start two churches. Nor did I think I would lead worship, lead Zumba, speak in front of people….or write a blog! My plans were way smaller than God’s plans. In my mind I never had much to say or offer, just a heart tender to Jesus. It turns out He loves using average people for bigger purposes, and so I’ve learned to flex and stay pliable to His call on my life.  In the process, I’ve experienced the richness of His greater plans;  the sweet  fulfillment  of walking hand in hand with Jesus.

As we flex with God’s plan He strengthens us for the tasks He calls us to. Pressing in to Him, rather than against Him actually broadens our spiritual shoulders to carry more than we ever thought we could, enabling us to try new things, overcome obstacles, and live a life of abandon for Jesus.

I want to be spiritually fit in this life, not weak, wrestling with God over His plans for my life. If He tells me to overcome a bad habit, love in spite of people’s behavior, move forward when I’m sitting still, let go when I’m gripping the steering wheel of my life….I want to surrender to Him. No holding back or holding on to things He’s asking me to release. I’m far to weak to handle the challenges which arise out of the destruction of my own stubbornness.

Are you arm wrestling with God over something in your life? He’s telling you to lay it down, let it go, and move forward. If you’ve gotten off track and are feeling spiritually wimpy, press into Jesus. He’s the ultimate personal trainer. He equips us for every good work He has planned. Grab His hand and ask Him to guide you through your challenges. He speaks words of wisdom, love and encouragement….are you listening? Stop wrestling and start dancing, only let Him take the lead. You can do all things through Him!

Jer.29:11~For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Isaiah 64:8~But now, O LORD, You are our Father, We are the clay, and You our potter; And all of us are the work of Your hand.

Isaiah 45:9~Woe to the one who quarrels with his Maker– An earthenware vessel among the vessels of earth! Will the clay say to the potter, ‘What are you doing?’ Or the thing you are making say, ‘He has no hands’?

People Pleasing Bites

Some people will love you.
Some people with think, eh, you’re ok.
Some people aren’t going to like you at all.
Just keep your eyes on Jesus. ~Margaret Adams

The people pleaser bug bit me long ago, maybe from birth. As far back as I can remember, I’ve aspired to have people, ALL people, like me. It’s an impossibility. I’ve learned the hard way, and yet, I still get bitten by it from time to time.

People pleasing leads down a yellow brick road with no end, just pitfalls, and greedy, flying monkeys that will pick away at your identity and joy. 🙊😉 It’s the pursuit of making others happy by ‘giving in’ or laying down what we know to be true of ourselves. Approval seeking is expensive, costing us our own identities. It never feels quite right, but can temporarily relieve tension. When we pursue people’s wants over God’s desire for our lives, things get out of whack. The crazy thing is, we do it to ourselves, by excepting the spoken and unspoken demands of others.

This last year I felt the effects of being bitten by my desire to please some unsatisfied ‘friends’. I tried in a variety of ways to earn their approval, and each time, came up short, leaving me frustrated as it became clear there was no stopping their indifferent, lackluster responses. Instead of appreciation, they were quick to remind me of what I wasn’t doing right, what I ought to do more often, and in general, how I could be better….well, better for them. At some point I became aware, I was not meant to please them. Love them? Yes. Earn approval? No. After much prayer and seeking my own responsibility in the matter, I heard God telling me to get off this merry-go-round of approval seeking. Easier said than done for this devout pleaser, but oh so necessary for my own health. Once I hopped off the spinning wheel, I could move forward on the mission God had for me, a mission full of purpose, hope and joy.

Jesus calls us to love Him and love others, but never calls us to win the approval of others. The truth is, many hated Jesus, and He never felt the need to try and please them. He was clear about His mission and knew how He was to go about His journey. He did not cater to people’s demands, only to His Father’s will.

As we seek Jesus, we find Him, and He brings clarity to our own personal mission. He calls us to love honestly, extend lavish grace, forgive freely, and do nothing out of selfish ambition. It’s a tall order, but one we can improve upon as we draw near to Him daily. When we walk closely with Him, we learn when to say yes, and NO. No is not a bad word. It’s a healthy, life giving word, for those of us that struggle with bug bites of approval. While our “no’s” will offend people that want what they want, it is for their benefit as well as ours. Someone else is meant to meet their need….more than likely that person is Jesus.

God can only use us to our full potential as we embrace our identity in Him…not by being transformed by popular opinion. Just keep your eyes on Jesus. His opinion is all that matters. If you’re unclear about how He sees you, search the pages of His word, the Bible. He adores and delights in you. It’s all there throughout the pages of His life giving words. Discover what God is calling you to do and do it with all your heart, then ask God to spray you with people pleasing repellent. 😉 Just say no, in Jesus name. You can do ALL things through Him!

1Thess2:4~On the contrary, we speak as those approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts.
Gal.1:10~Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.
Genesis1:31~God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.
Jer.29:11~ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

What Ifs…

Hope was teetering on the edge and the cliff was steep. I feared if I lost my grip, it would never be regained. My heart clung to hope….

It had been 3 weeks since my body rebelled against my will. One evening I was leading a high intensity Zumba class and the next day my body felt as though there was an elephant on my back. Movements were heavy and labored. My head felt to heavy for my neck to support, forcing me to prop it up with pillows while sitting on the couch. There was strange tingling in my arms and up my neck, along with unmanageable exhaustion. For the first few days, I convinced myself I must have been exposed to a strange virus, but days grew into a week and beyond. By week two my doctor tried to diagnose me with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome….but my gut said no. (This time my stubbornness paid off and I insisted on testing.)

Resisting an “easy” diagnosis, I was sent to a neurologist, a cardiologist, an ENT specialist, a physical therapist, had a multitude of blood tests done, CT scans with dye and without, and an MRI…yet, nothing was found. It was baffling. The “What If’s” became a lion trying to chase me off of my emotional cliff. What if….I don’t get better? What if….I can never care for my family again? What if…there is something REALLY wrong with me? What if…I can never sing or dance again? What if….I become a burden to family and friends? “What ifs” seem to come in bulk supply.

As I lay motionless in the tube, listening to the loud clanking and hammering of the MRI machine, I forced myself to take my “what ifs” to Jesus in prayer. Without making a sound or moving a muscle, I laid it all out before the Lord. My fear, my anguish, my lack of control, every worry, all of it. Almost immediately, song lyrics from “The Heart of Worship” filled my mind, overpowering the machine:

“When the music fades and all is stripped away and I simply come. Longing just to bring something that’s of worth that will bless your heart. I’ll bring you more than a song for a song in itself is not what you have required. You search much deeper within….your looking into my heart. I’m coming back to the heart of worship and its all about You, it’s ALL about you Jesus”.

Suddenly, I was worshipping, without spoken words, or motion, but with all my heart. It was a powerful worship experience. I felt as if I had exposed all my inadequacies and brokenness to the Lord and I could almost hear Him say, “it’s never been about what you can do for me. Your heart is all I’ve ever wanted.” To be so fully known and so completely loved quenched my fears and slayed my “what ifs”. The truth was if I could never help another person, sing another song, dance another dance, or even move a muscle, He loved me, period. I may have felt physically helpless, but I wasn’t hopeless. My hope was, and is in Him and He never lets go.

It would be several months before my body started to fully cooperate. The healing didn’t come all at once and to this day I have lingering effects of the injury they found. A tear was found in my cervical spine, which caused spinal fluid to leak onto my spinal chord, causing the bizarre symptoms. It forced me to make a couple minor lifestyle changes, but none of the major “what ifs” occurred. The bulk supply of worries was laid to rest.

Are you carrying a bulk supply of “what ifs” this week? Are you ruminating in fear and worry? Lay it all down at the cliffs edge and fall back into the arms of your loving Father. Life can take us to the edge of what we can handle on our own strength. We were never meant to be strong enough to carry it alone. Jesus is our ever present help in times of trouble. He came as the bridge to carry you across those “what ifs” and comfort you through the unknowns. You don’t have to know what tomorrow will bring, when you know the creator of tomorrow. He’s with you through the cliff hangers, the stormy seas, even in the claustrophobic hammering of an MRI machine. He can give you a peace that surpasses all understanding….all He wants is your heart.❤️ He is with you…are you listening?

Phil.4:7~ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Psalm 46:1~God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
Psalm 19:14~May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.