Some people will love you.
Some people with think, eh, you’re ok.
Some people aren’t going to like you at all.
Just keep your eyes on Jesus. ~Margaret Adams
The people pleaser bug bit me long ago, maybe from birth. As far back as I can remember, I’ve aspired to have people, ALL people, like me. It’s an impossibility. I’ve learned the hard way, and yet, I still get bitten by it from time to time.
People pleasing leads down a yellow brick road with no end, just pitfalls, and greedy, flying monkeys that will pick away at your identity and joy. 🙊😉 It’s the pursuit of making others happy by ‘giving in’ or laying down what we know to be true of ourselves. Approval seeking is expensive, costing us our own identities. It never feels quite right, but can temporarily relieve tension. When we pursue people’s wants over God’s desire for our lives, things get out of whack. The crazy thing is, we do it to ourselves, by excepting the spoken and unspoken demands of others.
This last year I felt the effects of being bitten by my desire to please some unsatisfied ‘friends’. I tried in a variety of ways to earn their approval, and each time, came up short, leaving me frustrated as it became clear there was no stopping their indifferent, lackluster responses. Instead of appreciation, they were quick to remind me of what I wasn’t doing right, what I ought to do more often, and in general, how I could be better….well, better for them. At some point I became aware, I was not meant to please them. Love them? Yes. Earn approval? No. After much prayer and seeking my own responsibility in the matter, I heard God telling me to get off this merry-go-round of approval seeking. Easier said than done for this devout pleaser, but oh so necessary for my own health. Once I hopped off the spinning wheel, I could move forward on the mission God had for me, a mission full of purpose, hope and joy.
Jesus calls us to love Him and love others, but never calls us to win the approval of others. The truth is, many hated Jesus, and He never felt the need to try and please them. He was clear about His mission and knew how He was to go about His journey. He did not cater to people’s demands, only to His Father’s will.
As we seek Jesus, we find Him, and He brings clarity to our own personal mission. He calls us to love honestly, extend lavish grace, forgive freely, and do nothing out of selfish ambition. It’s a tall order, but one we can improve upon as we draw near to Him daily. When we walk closely with Him, we learn when to say yes, and NO. No is not a bad word. It’s a healthy, life giving word, for those of us that struggle with bug bites of approval. While our “no’s” will offend people that want what they want, it is for their benefit as well as ours. Someone else is meant to meet their need….more than likely that person is Jesus.
God can only use us to our full potential as we embrace our identity in Him…not by being transformed by popular opinion. Just keep your eyes on Jesus. His opinion is all that matters. If you’re unclear about how He sees you, search the pages of His word, the Bible. He adores and delights in you. It’s all there throughout the pages of His life giving words. Discover what God is calling you to do and do it with all your heart, then ask God to spray you with people pleasing repellent. 😉 Just say no, in Jesus name. You can do ALL things through Him!
1Thess2:4~On the contrary, we speak as those approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts.
Gal.1:10~Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.
Genesis1:31~God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.
Jer.29:11~ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.