Two Faced Clowns

Growing up I had a clown doll with two faces, popular in the 80’s. One side was a happy face, the other side was sad….though it looked more angry to me. That doll was the cause of many nightmares. There was something creepy and duplicitous about it having two faces. I mean, which was it? Happy or sad? (Even the happy face looked evil😳). It was kept safely hidden in my closet until it was finally given away. No more two faced dolls.

I’ve experienced the same kinds of duplicity in people, on a grander scale. It’s always unnerving when you encounter people that say one thing but demonstrate entirely different behavior. Their words don’t match their speech. There are those that are gifted in manipulation, if there is such a gift, and they use it on unsuspecting targets.

I remember the agony of discovering the person we were partnered in ministry with was not who we thought he was. My husband and I had blindly trusted, hoping our pastor ‘friend’ would be an honest, God fearing person, but we were sadly mistaken. It was not the first time we had encountered duplicitous behavior in people, but it still left us reeling, uncertain of what to do next. The entire experience left us with a terrible aftertaste, particularly towards pastors….which is amusing, since my hubby happens to be one. The truth is, it’s not a pastor problem. It’s a people problem, for ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

Our ‘friend’ would smile from the platform and then plot against us behind closed doors. He would project sincerity and kindness, but we saw another side. There were all kinds of ‘secret meetings’ discussing how to control what we said and did. At the low point I was told I was not allowed to baptize my closest friend, we could not send out prayer letters to talk about our upcoming move to Modesto, and we received a certified letter informing us we were to remain silent about anything we considered an injustice, or we would not receive our paycheck. In addition, there was a sum of money voted on by board members and promised, that was never given to the new church we were planting.  It was God’s money, not ours, but he withheld it.  Not exactly a display of Jesus love. It.was.awful. How could this be happening? Our hearts broke and doubt was planted in the brokenness. Doubting people and their motives would be a process to overcome. Who could we really trust?

Jesus. We could trust Him and Him alone. Jesus experienced many betrayals while walking this earth. The religious leaders were often the most two faced, presenting themselves as righteous, but secretly plotting, manipulating and justifying their desire to see Jesus destroyed. In the end, it was one of His 12 closest followers that would betray Him. Jesus response was one of love in spite of the ultimate deception, leading Him to His death. He didn’t focus on Judas and the betrayal. When He was beaten, whipped, carried His cross and nailed upon it, He did not plead His case, nor did He point out the injustice, as evidenced in His words, “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.” He focused on His purpose and offered forgiveness. Jesus never wavered in who He was and what He was called to do. He demonstrated how to handle duplicitous people and injustices. Keep loving, keep forgiving and keep moving forward toward His purpose and plan.

We ended up leaving our church tattered and bruised, but not defeated. The why’s and seeming injustice of what we had just encountered, would have to be laid down, in order to move forward. There were many moments we wanted to carry our hurt, bitterness, and grudges a little longer, but the weight of it was to much, like carrying around giant boulders.   It drained us of energy, distracted us from our purpose and kept us from grabbing onto God’s goodness.   So, we dropped our boulders and reached up.  God had called us to a new adventure and He used the pain to catapult us into His plan. The Well, our current church, was birthed out of our pain. God can work all things to His good, if we stay surrendered to Him.  He blessed us beyond our imaginations as He brought beauty from the ashes of our pain.

God knows us inside and out. There is nothing hidden from Him, which is both comforting and sobering. At the end of the day, we all have a little two faced clown in us. Our actions don’t always match our words and thoughts. We are all works in progress and that’s ok. He can shape us and mold us as we get honest about the hidden truths in our hearts. He’s good at making masterpieces out of ugly, messed up, fractured clay. Rest in His truth and He will begin to reshape your life into something beautiful.

Have you experienced the hurt of two faced people? Don’t lose heart, dear ones! Jesus understands that hurt. He can empathize. Take your hurt and confusion to Him and lay it down at His feet. You will feel lighter and free as you let go of the boulders you have been carrying. That new freedom will catapult you into God’s best plan for your life. He has something amazing in store for you, just keep trusting and delighting in the One that never changes. Press on toward the goal that is in Christ Jesus! He will guide you and shape you, making your insides match your outsides.

If you struggle with your own duplicitous behavior, get honest with Jesus and the people in your life. God sees all and knows all. There is no deceiving Him. Don’t be a two-faced clown. You will be missing out on the intimate relationship you can have when you remove the costume and makeup, getting real with Jesus. You can do ALL things through Him!

Psalm139:1-4~You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely.

Romans 8:28~And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Psalm 37:3-6~Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun.

Phil.3:14~I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

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