Insecurity. You hold me back. You weigh me down. You distort my thoughts. You permeate my words. You just plain stink up my life. But, I’m through with you! You are not who I am and you don’t determine my future.
In it’s least form, insecurity keeps us from God’s best. At its worst, it can break doorframes….how frightening it would be if doors could talk!😳 Though I don’t remember what started the uh, rrrr, umm, disagreement (putting it lightly), I can tell you it was flooded with my insecurity. But there it was, my broken bedroom doorframe after an emotional outburst of giant proportions. What had I just done? Shame set in immediately…I’m a pastors wife for heavens sake! That was definitely not “Christian like”. No, it wasn’t. There was something deeper that had to be examined. All those years of believing “I’m not enough” had gotten the best of me. I had prayed, cried, read books, meditated on scripture, journaled, sought counseling, but I couldn’t shake it. That nagging feeling overpowered my “knowing” every time. The pull of insecurity felt stronger than my meager attempts at controlling it. After my tantrum, I remember sitting in my room alone, (I put myself on time out😉) feeling as broken as my doorframe. Once again, I asked God to free me from the lie that I wasn’t enough. As plain as day, the verse popped in my head…God SO loved the world that He GAVE His one and only son….(John 3:16) I felt God whisper to the depth of my soul, “Christine, am I enough for you?” Boom, there it was. The TRUTH. My answer to that question, disturbed me! I knew my answer in that moment was NO. Jesus wasn’t enough??? He gave EVERYTHING for me on the cross, but I kept pursuing more. What more could I possibly need? The lie is that any of us can ever be “enough” for other people. We weren’t created to be “enough” for each other, on purpose! Jesus is the only One that can meet that need and He is more than enough!
Are you believing the lie that you aren’t enough? He knit you together and He delights in you. His love for you is complete and that’s more than enough! Are you expecting the peeps in your life (spouse, friends, kids,etc.) to be “enough” for you? It’s an impossible task. They can’t do it, so stop setting them up for failure. Look to the cross and ask Jesus to be enough for you…He already is!
Phil.4:19~And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.
Psam 139:14~I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.